Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: Need ...

Dear Love77,

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Thank you so much for reaching out to our online community! It sounds like you are in a rough spot! My heart aches for the place you find yourself in. Let me offer some hope and encouragement for you!

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Often times when our marriages are in turmoil it is easy to look back and make excuses as to why you should have never gotten married (ex..we were too young, etc). Right now, your communication with your husband is not working, and sounds borderline abusive. It is normal for you not to have hope for your marriage and to be frustrated and hurt by your husband. This results in other men around you looking like knights in shining armor ready to sweep in and save you. However, be careful not to fall in the devil's snare! You need to remember spending 13yr of marriage with another person may lead to similar places! You cannot compare one to the other! Allowing yourself to consider new, easier, nicer options, sabotages your ability to be willing to do the work to repair and be successful in your current marriage! The truth is you Are still married! Until you resolve the issues with your husband, you are not free to even be considering another relationship!

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My encouragement is to put mr. knight in shining armor on hold and cut all communication until you resolve things with your husband. Then focus on proactively working with a licensed Christian counselor who can help you communicate with your husband and hold him accountable for his choices. It is important that both of you learn to communicate safely with each other, and be safe with each other. The emotional abuse you describe should not be tolerated! A licensed Christian counselor can help you learn to be safe, and communicate safely. As you do, it will force your husband to either be willing to do the work of being married and treating you with respect, or he will choose to abandon the marriage (which is outside of your control). But don't expect him to be willing to work on things when you are dabbling with the idea of another relationship!

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Please know we are praying for you! I would encourage you to read: Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them, Safe People, and DNA of Relationships. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact our counseling dept.

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Many Blessings,

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Christina MSW, LCSW, FOTF Counseling Dept.

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